Why I don't want you groping my belly

I used to be a very touch oriented person. I had no qualms hugging a perfect stranger, and would never consider a nonthreatening touch would be unwelcome. This changed a bit when I started to fall in love with my husband. I became more picky about who I allowed in my personal space. Still, I was not a person to become uncomfortable or uneasy with an unwanted hug until he left for boot camp.

Suddenly, I was going a week or so without being touched at all. A hug from a parent or friend would come every once in awhile, but I became used to only being touched by another person sparingly. When he got back from boot camp and we married, I remember talking to him about how uncomfortable I felt with every single person at the wedding wanting a hug. Normal, I know, but I felt like my skin was crawling half the time.

Imagine my shock when the first person grabbed my stomach without asking first. She walked up from behind me and started rubbing it lightly, ending it with a soft caress with her nails. Her eyes were bright with excitement and I felt that there was no way I felt like I could do what I wanted; tell her to get the heck off of me and leave the room. I felt down right violated, and avoided this person after this for the sole purpose of not wanting to be touched. Unfortunately, I could not avoid everyone who wanted to have special moment with my belly, and started coming up with tricks to avoid awkward situations.

For my baby shower, my aunt came up with the ingenious idea of putting a note at the bottom of the invitations. "No grabbing momma's belly, it's sensitive!" Most people were amazing and didn't mention the note nor did they touch my stomach, but a few people asked why it was so sensitive, and if they could touch it anyway. When he started moving, more people seemed to think that my stomach was public domain. I started keeping my hands over it when my pregnancy came up in conversation to stop people from grabbing it. I know how special a baby is, and I know what a treat it is to feel the baby kick or move around, but the fact remains that it is my stomach and I don't feel any more OK with some random person touching it than I did before I was pregnant.

There are times that I want to share what is happening. Sometimes he is moving so much or his leg is sticking out so far that I want someone to share it with. My mom, my aunt Miki, and my little cousin Samantha have all had their hands grabbed and plastered to my stomach so they could feel that I was feeling. A couple other people I feel so comfortable with that I don't mind if they give it a little pat as they walk by, although I am thankful that this is not a common occurrence.

Most moms will agree with me that they did not appreciate strangers coming up and grabbing her belly, but most have expressed that they had no problem with those that ask and family members touching at all. I wondered why I was so different than most, and then remember that all of these women had their husbands feel the baby kick too. A huge part of my heart aches when someone else gets the joy of feeling him kick when my husband has never felt this. I have not cut off everyone because those that I am close to get as much joy of feeling him move as I do from them feeling him move, but there is a part of my brain that screams, "Unfair!" It isn't fair that he has yet to feel Jude kick, and probably will not have a chance.

Still, knowing all of this doesn't change the fact that I hate to let people down when they want to feel Jude move around. Most of the people who I am around on a regular basis know that I don't want to be touched and don't even try, but sometimes a person asks, and I have yet to find a way to make both of us happy with a short explanation. Hopefully this little proclamation will spread the word a bit.