Distance.

I am certainly not one to say that the only correct way to have a baby is between a husband and a wife. With the right kind of resources, determination and support, I believe that a single mother can do just a great job as a more traditional family with two parents. I think that greatness comes from all kinds of families, including same sex parents, single mothers, single fathers, grandparents, adoptive parents, and of course the traditional husband and wife. What I do not believe is that a woman should go through a pregnancy alone. She should have a partner.

Unlike most of the people in my position (living with family during the pregnancy for support), I have a husband. When he is with me, he is more support than I could ever ask for. He volunteers to join me during doctor appointments, he reads baby books, and he is always willing to jump through the mood changes with a hug while I cry, share my insecurities, and take out my frustrations. He is.. incredible. Unfortunately, he has only spent 3 weeks of my pregnancy with me. Two of those weeks were the wedding and honeymoon and another week was lucky leave. He is in the US Army, airborne. He is stationed overseas and has been living in another country for the past 3 and a half months, and he is the bravest person that I know. I am proud of him, and proud to say that I am his wife.

It is quite a different experience than I thought it would be when I'm pregnant with me first child. He has no idea what Jude's clothes, furniture, and carriers even look like. We were able to share two ultrasounds together, but he has never seen me in person with my belly, nor has he seen Jude look like a human. He is missing out on a lot, on almost all of it, and I cannot imagine how difficult it is for him. He has never even felt Jude kick. To say the least, it is unfair that he is missing this. Although he never truly lets me see how difficult it is for him, I think it is the most bittersweet experience of his life. I know it is mine.

Without my family's support and my husband's phone calls, I am sure that I would be completely lost without him. To say that I miss him is to say that a fish misses water while on dry land. Before this experience, I had no idea that a person could feel this sort of desperation and need and still go on with living life. If asked beforehand, I would have said I could not survive it. With every change, every pain, every moment that I cry from frustration and fear... I wish that he could be here. In contrast, with every kick, every moment that my stomach takes the shape of a foot, and every time I hear Jude's heartbeat... I wish that he was here.

With every cloud and every struggle that we have in life, there is a silver lining. Did you know that the divorce rate for couples married in the first year of service is 80%? Hearing that statistic may have been a bit daunting at first, but now it simply lets me know that no matter how hard things get, we must persevere. And despite all odds, despite every painful moment, we have thrived. I feel as though I can honestly say that no other wife in this position has ever been more thankful for her husband. I don't take a moment that I can hear his voice for granted. Every "I love you" makes my heart flutter. Hearing him say, "You can do this," is what gets me through each week. Although I cannot speak for him, from what he has said to me I think that he feels a similar appreciation.

This is the hardest time in our lives, and a hell of a way to start a marriage. We have known struggles that many couples will never know. With all of that said, I am proud to say that with each mountain we make it over, I know how strong of a family we are. We will make it.