They tell you that until you're taking care of your newborn, you won't understand just how difficult it can be. Ladies about to be new moms? It's true. You are never prepared.
No matter what kind of labor you had, you will be sore. I don't mean sore like you were working out all day sore. I mean you were just hit by a truck sore. Labor takes a lot out of your body and those couple days stay at the hospital are needed simply to give you the help of the nurses until you go home. Then (I guarantee it!) you will miss the nurses.
Scott was an instant dad. He wanted and took on the night screams, and helped me out as much as he could. Because of the intense tearing I had, the first couple weeks were extremely difficult on me sitting down and getting up. There is a lot of that during the first couple weeks. Being handed the baby instead of getting up to get him was such a blessing. The only time we got frustrated with each other was during the night.
Jude starts crying. Scott doesn't wake up for anything, so I smack Scott a few times to go get the baby. He snaps "What?!" I say something to the affect of, "The damn baby is crying!" He gets up and picks up Jude, saying "shh shh shh" and trying to get him to quiet down. Sometimes, this worked. Other times, I would say, "He's hungry, give him to me." Scott would hand him over and go back to sleep. If not, he would continue to cry while we put down each others ideas as to why he was crying. We never had a full on fight or anything like that, but we definitely lost patience with just about everything when there was little to no sleep going on. Fortunately, once day broke, everything was forgiven and giggled at.
They say, sleep when the baby sleeps. Granted, this does not always work. Sometimes you just can't. For instance, today I decided to shower and clean house instead of sleep while Jude took his nap. Last night wasn't a terrible night, so I'm a bit tired, but I feel so much more clean. BUT, do try to sleep as much as you can when the baby is sleeping. Why? Because if you don't, as soon as you do decide to sleep, he will wake up. You will climb into bed after checking on your bundle of cute joy, still sleeping away, and you will fall into the covers. You'll turn off your light and smile as you close your eyes. Your thoughts will get hazy as you start to nod off... and then you'll hear him stir. Your eyes will pop open, but you'll continue to lay there, hoping that the noise you heard was a sleep noise, and that he'll continue sleeping. You start to nod off again, and a wail of impatience from your bundle of joy will cut through any happiness and hope of sleep that you have and you will feel the most intense irritation of your life.
So, truly, sleep when the baby sleeps. You won't be sleeping any other time.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Last two months! Psht. Let's talk about the labor!
When I stared this blog, I did not plan on continuing with it after Jude was born. I considered pregnancy to be the most amazing and life changing event of my life, and I wanted to document it. Although I am so glad I did this, it almost seems laughable to how little it compares to having a baby.
In my last blog I wrote that I expected to have my baby naturally with my husband here. I was hesitant to put that, especially since everything is so uncertain with labor, but I'm glad that I have it on record because what actually happened is almost unbelievable.
Thursday July 30 2009 - Friday July 31 2009
My husband's flight was late. I kept checking delta flight times and the arrival time kept going back further and further. I could barely sit down. My aunt was with me, keeping me calm. When it was finally time to go pick him up, I slipped on my sexy dress (that I bought for this occasion), checked my makeup (water-proof mascara and light lipstick) one last time and headed towards the door. I was so excited that as I was leaving the kitchen, I felt myself pee a little! Thinking quickly, I ran to my bathroom to put on a pad so I wouldn't leak on my dress and undies. As I was putting on the pad, I felt something, looked down, and saw a small puddle of water on the floor.
"MIKI!! I DON'T THINK IT'S PEE!" I yelled out. I heard her curse and she came through the bathroom. She looked down at the puddle and said, "Did that just come out of your vagina?!" I started laughing at the incredible situation, but I was still unsure. What if it was pee? My aunt having no scruples at all about this, grabbed some toilet paper, wiped up most of the puddle, and smelled it. "It doesn't smell like pee.."
So as we were leaving for the airport, we grabbed my hospital bag, some towels, and a trash bag for my seat. We considered the fact that maybe I should go to the hospital first, but decided that women almost never start having contractions right after their water breaks and that there was no one else to pick up my husband. Plus, by this time, we were already running late. With me sitting on the towel and the trash bag protecting the cloth seats, we were off. Me giggling in disbelief and Miki demanding that I tell her if I start to feel anything out of the ordinary. With only a few tense moments when we hit unexpected heavy traffic, we got to the airport in good time and found my husband quickly.
"Honey, get in the car. No really, hurry, get in the car. My water broke."
(I should mention that I was so impressed by how calm he was when he heard this. He nodded and kissed me and we took off. Turns out, he thought I was kidding until about halfway through the drive.)
We're driving and laughing and all a bit nervous. We call my frantic mother, who has to wait for her cell phone to charge a bit before she takes off. My dad is super excited and jumps in the car right away. Suddenly, with all the laughing, I feel a huge GUSH come out of me. It couldn't have possibly been pee because it was much more than my bladder can hold. I couldn't believe the amount of liquid. I thought about my minipad still in my undies and laughed at the thought of it drowning. And... was that a contraction? Miki started writing them down. Everyone gets a bit more serious when we realize that they're about 3 minutes apart and quickly becoming more painful.
When we arrive at Labor and Delivery, Miki drops Scott and I off at the door and I squish my way out of the car. Although I doubt anyone would notice if I peed my pants at this point, I am very serious about finding a bathroom ASAP. Scott and I walk in, tightly holding hands. I find a bathroom and waddle my way in, dripping more water on the way. I pull down my panties and my poor pad pops out and plops on the floor with an explosion of water. "Ewwwww!" I said. I hear Scott laughing on the other side of the door. We go to the labor and delivery triage and they immediately get me a room and they check to see if my membrane busted. PH test finally confirms it; I am in labor. (At this point, the nurse makes a note on my chart that I have a very small pelvis.)
We go to the delivery room and I'm already being told to breathe through the contractions. I realize that the cramping that I'd been feeling all day were early labor contractions, and that actual labor contractions hurt much more. I get cleared for IV pain medication and I can't wait for the pain to go away and for me to perhaps get a bit of sleep because it's a narcotic. This labor thing will be a breeze. I even tell my husband to go take a nap because he's been traveling for the past 22 hours and must be dead tired. He agrees and crashes out on the floor.
They put my meds straight into my IV and I feel the haze come on. I smile and my aunt smiles and the nurses smile. I get the feeling that they know something I don't, but I ignore it and relax. My labor plan (lots of pain meds, please) was going to work out great.
The contractions start coming on harder, and I'm feeling them in my back. It's getting harder and harder to breathe during each one, and they are very irregular. Sometimes they are 6 minutes apart, other time I have 3 in a row. Not knowing when they will stop or come back makes them even worse. My aunt holds my hand, puts her weight for a counter pressure on my lower back, massages it for me, and continuously calls the nurse to ask when I can get an epidural. By this point I have lost any dignity and am whimpering and crying almost the entire time. Praying out loud for a break because even when I'm not having contractions, my back pain stays. My nurse explains that I have back labor, and that although I am cleared for an epidural, I have to wait 2 hours for the anesthesiologist to get out of surgery.
I must say, looking back now those 2 hours are very blurry. At some point my husband woke up an held my hand. It was good to not be alone, but the truth is, neither of them could help with the pain. I just had to get through each minute. If I wasn't in pain, I was passed out sleeping for strength. Miki and Scott let me know when each contraction was at the peak, and when one was coming on. Hearing their voices and reminders that the pain was temporary got me through it.
I don't remember any pain from getting the epidural, although I'm sure it must have hurt because that was a huge needle in my spine. I looked at Scott and he mouthed, "I'm so proud of you." Then.. relief.
My dad and stepmom showed up not long after. This part is very blurry to me. I remember their arrival, and I remember wondering about my contractions, but for a few (couple?) hours nothing really happened. At some point, my mother also showed up, not long after my dad and stepmom. The nurses changed shifts and I got a new nurse, a lovely woman named Stacy. She let me know that my labor was stalled, and that they wanted to start a pitocin drip to help it along. At first I said no, that I wanted it to come naturally, but with my contractions still very irregular, I knew that it might never happen on it's own (at least, not with being in the safe 24 hour mark after my water breaks) so I agreed.
Some say that it's a myth that pitocin makes labor harder, faster and more intense than it would be naturally. I am here to say that it is not a myth. Just a bit into it, my contractions started coming on strong again, and I was feeling a lot of pain in my back and hips. They told me it was just pressure. I told them, "No, pressure is what I feel in my vagina. Pain is what I feel in my back and hips." They brought more medication for my epidural, and this had to be repeated a few times. Luckily, when it was time to push, I was only feeling pressure.
I felt silly pushing at first. I was so numb from the latest medication in my epidural that I couldn't even feel if I was pushing or not. I kept asking my family to look away, and if I was crapping on the table. This was apparently a huge fear of mine. Soon though, each contraction brought on an intense amount of pressure (and truly, the pressure was amazing..) and my body wanted to push instinctively. This was tiring. Each contraction came on average of about every 3 minutes, and I pushed with all of my might 3 times per contraction. When asked if I wanted a rest, I declined because I wanted to get it over with. I asked for ice chips constantly to keep my mouth wet, and had no strength to hold up my legs when the contractions were over. I spent the breaks sleeping.
This is things from my point of view. What the nurse, my husband, aunt, and mom didn't tell me was that from push number one, I was torn and bleeding. I could feel them replacing towels underneath me, but had no idea that they were full of blood. They didn't tell me that the amount of blood was scary, and that everyone thought I was going to have to have a c-section because his head was so large and my pelvis was so small.
At some point, I passed clean out and slept through several contractions. They woke me up and slapped an oxygen mask on my face. After just a few more contractions, they tell me, "We can see the head. He's crowning." I demand to see a mirror and ignore the warnings about the blood. I see his hair and my thought is, "I knew his hair would be brown." The doctor comes in for the last 2 contractions and with an enormous amount of pressure I push Jude out at 12:21 pm. ("Miki, 12:21 midnight or noon?" I asked in my haze.)
They put him on my chest and Scott cut the umbilical cord. Perhaps right then I should have realized something was wrong, but Jude was moving and kind of whimpering and his head is so strangely shaped (long oval. No joke.) that I don't even notice that he's not crying. They take him over to a table on the side and everyone surrounds it. Only my doctor and nurse stay with me as they push the placenta out and then sew me up with about 40 stitches. (2nd degree tear inside, 3rd degree tear outside, and many 1 degree tears all over.) After about 30 minutes, they tell me that they are taking Jude to NICU because his breathing is shallow. I start crying immediately, and everyone starts to reassure me that it happens all the time, that it was just a stressful labor for him, and that he was going to be fine. Scott hands me Jude and I hold him for about a minute before they take him away.
They move me and Scott into our room that I will be staying in (complete with a second bed for Scott, which was wonderful. He stayed every night.) and Jude gets moved out of NICU before the day is over. I am in massive amounts of pain and am overwhelmed by all of the visitors. I attempt breastfeeding which goes.. OK. Then, I am thankful for the nursery so I can get some rest.
I know this isn't my normal post. I'm sure it is riddled with grammatical and spelling mistakes, but I wanted to get it down; documented. I will continue to document the first week of Jude's life in one or two other posts, but I wanted to get this down. Now I'm going to change Jude's diaper and feed him. More to come!
In my last blog I wrote that I expected to have my baby naturally with my husband here. I was hesitant to put that, especially since everything is so uncertain with labor, but I'm glad that I have it on record because what actually happened is almost unbelievable.
Thursday July 30 2009 - Friday July 31 2009
My husband's flight was late. I kept checking delta flight times and the arrival time kept going back further and further. I could barely sit down. My aunt was with me, keeping me calm. When it was finally time to go pick him up, I slipped on my sexy dress (that I bought for this occasion), checked my makeup (water-proof mascara and light lipstick) one last time and headed towards the door. I was so excited that as I was leaving the kitchen, I felt myself pee a little! Thinking quickly, I ran to my bathroom to put on a pad so I wouldn't leak on my dress and undies. As I was putting on the pad, I felt something, looked down, and saw a small puddle of water on the floor.
"MIKI!! I DON'T THINK IT'S PEE!" I yelled out. I heard her curse and she came through the bathroom. She looked down at the puddle and said, "Did that just come out of your vagina?!" I started laughing at the incredible situation, but I was still unsure. What if it was pee? My aunt having no scruples at all about this, grabbed some toilet paper, wiped up most of the puddle, and smelled it. "It doesn't smell like pee.."
So as we were leaving for the airport, we grabbed my hospital bag, some towels, and a trash bag for my seat. We considered the fact that maybe I should go to the hospital first, but decided that women almost never start having contractions right after their water breaks and that there was no one else to pick up my husband. Plus, by this time, we were already running late. With me sitting on the towel and the trash bag protecting the cloth seats, we were off. Me giggling in disbelief and Miki demanding that I tell her if I start to feel anything out of the ordinary. With only a few tense moments when we hit unexpected heavy traffic, we got to the airport in good time and found my husband quickly.
"Honey, get in the car. No really, hurry, get in the car. My water broke."
(I should mention that I was so impressed by how calm he was when he heard this. He nodded and kissed me and we took off. Turns out, he thought I was kidding until about halfway through the drive.)
We're driving and laughing and all a bit nervous. We call my frantic mother, who has to wait for her cell phone to charge a bit before she takes off. My dad is super excited and jumps in the car right away. Suddenly, with all the laughing, I feel a huge GUSH come out of me. It couldn't have possibly been pee because it was much more than my bladder can hold. I couldn't believe the amount of liquid. I thought about my minipad still in my undies and laughed at the thought of it drowning. And... was that a contraction? Miki started writing them down. Everyone gets a bit more serious when we realize that they're about 3 minutes apart and quickly becoming more painful.
When we arrive at Labor and Delivery, Miki drops Scott and I off at the door and I squish my way out of the car. Although I doubt anyone would notice if I peed my pants at this point, I am very serious about finding a bathroom ASAP. Scott and I walk in, tightly holding hands. I find a bathroom and waddle my way in, dripping more water on the way. I pull down my panties and my poor pad pops out and plops on the floor with an explosion of water. "Ewwwww!" I said. I hear Scott laughing on the other side of the door. We go to the labor and delivery triage and they immediately get me a room and they check to see if my membrane busted. PH test finally confirms it; I am in labor. (At this point, the nurse makes a note on my chart that I have a very small pelvis.)
We go to the delivery room and I'm already being told to breathe through the contractions. I realize that the cramping that I'd been feeling all day were early labor contractions, and that actual labor contractions hurt much more. I get cleared for IV pain medication and I can't wait for the pain to go away and for me to perhaps get a bit of sleep because it's a narcotic. This labor thing will be a breeze. I even tell my husband to go take a nap because he's been traveling for the past 22 hours and must be dead tired. He agrees and crashes out on the floor.
They put my meds straight into my IV and I feel the haze come on. I smile and my aunt smiles and the nurses smile. I get the feeling that they know something I don't, but I ignore it and relax. My labor plan (lots of pain meds, please) was going to work out great.
The contractions start coming on harder, and I'm feeling them in my back. It's getting harder and harder to breathe during each one, and they are very irregular. Sometimes they are 6 minutes apart, other time I have 3 in a row. Not knowing when they will stop or come back makes them even worse. My aunt holds my hand, puts her weight for a counter pressure on my lower back, massages it for me, and continuously calls the nurse to ask when I can get an epidural. By this point I have lost any dignity and am whimpering and crying almost the entire time. Praying out loud for a break because even when I'm not having contractions, my back pain stays. My nurse explains that I have back labor, and that although I am cleared for an epidural, I have to wait 2 hours for the anesthesiologist to get out of surgery.
I must say, looking back now those 2 hours are very blurry. At some point my husband woke up an held my hand. It was good to not be alone, but the truth is, neither of them could help with the pain. I just had to get through each minute. If I wasn't in pain, I was passed out sleeping for strength. Miki and Scott let me know when each contraction was at the peak, and when one was coming on. Hearing their voices and reminders that the pain was temporary got me through it.
I don't remember any pain from getting the epidural, although I'm sure it must have hurt because that was a huge needle in my spine. I looked at Scott and he mouthed, "I'm so proud of you." Then.. relief.
My dad and stepmom showed up not long after. This part is very blurry to me. I remember their arrival, and I remember wondering about my contractions, but for a few (couple?) hours nothing really happened. At some point, my mother also showed up, not long after my dad and stepmom. The nurses changed shifts and I got a new nurse, a lovely woman named Stacy. She let me know that my labor was stalled, and that they wanted to start a pitocin drip to help it along. At first I said no, that I wanted it to come naturally, but with my contractions still very irregular, I knew that it might never happen on it's own (at least, not with being in the safe 24 hour mark after my water breaks) so I agreed.
Some say that it's a myth that pitocin makes labor harder, faster and more intense than it would be naturally. I am here to say that it is not a myth. Just a bit into it, my contractions started coming on strong again, and I was feeling a lot of pain in my back and hips. They told me it was just pressure. I told them, "No, pressure is what I feel in my vagina. Pain is what I feel in my back and hips." They brought more medication for my epidural, and this had to be repeated a few times. Luckily, when it was time to push, I was only feeling pressure.
I felt silly pushing at first. I was so numb from the latest medication in my epidural that I couldn't even feel if I was pushing or not. I kept asking my family to look away, and if I was crapping on the table. This was apparently a huge fear of mine. Soon though, each contraction brought on an intense amount of pressure (and truly, the pressure was amazing..) and my body wanted to push instinctively. This was tiring. Each contraction came on average of about every 3 minutes, and I pushed with all of my might 3 times per contraction. When asked if I wanted a rest, I declined because I wanted to get it over with. I asked for ice chips constantly to keep my mouth wet, and had no strength to hold up my legs when the contractions were over. I spent the breaks sleeping.
This is things from my point of view. What the nurse, my husband, aunt, and mom didn't tell me was that from push number one, I was torn and bleeding. I could feel them replacing towels underneath me, but had no idea that they were full of blood. They didn't tell me that the amount of blood was scary, and that everyone thought I was going to have to have a c-section because his head was so large and my pelvis was so small.
At some point, I passed clean out and slept through several contractions. They woke me up and slapped an oxygen mask on my face. After just a few more contractions, they tell me, "We can see the head. He's crowning." I demand to see a mirror and ignore the warnings about the blood. I see his hair and my thought is, "I knew his hair would be brown." The doctor comes in for the last 2 contractions and with an enormous amount of pressure I push Jude out at 12:21 pm. ("Miki, 12:21 midnight or noon?" I asked in my haze.)
They put him on my chest and Scott cut the umbilical cord. Perhaps right then I should have realized something was wrong, but Jude was moving and kind of whimpering and his head is so strangely shaped (long oval. No joke.) that I don't even notice that he's not crying. They take him over to a table on the side and everyone surrounds it. Only my doctor and nurse stay with me as they push the placenta out and then sew me up with about 40 stitches. (2nd degree tear inside, 3rd degree tear outside, and many 1 degree tears all over.) After about 30 minutes, they tell me that they are taking Jude to NICU because his breathing is shallow. I start crying immediately, and everyone starts to reassure me that it happens all the time, that it was just a stressful labor for him, and that he was going to be fine. Scott hands me Jude and I hold him for about a minute before they take him away.
They move me and Scott into our room that I will be staying in (complete with a second bed for Scott, which was wonderful. He stayed every night.) and Jude gets moved out of NICU before the day is over. I am in massive amounts of pain and am overwhelmed by all of the visitors. I attempt breastfeeding which goes.. OK. Then, I am thankful for the nursery so I can get some rest.
I know this isn't my normal post. I'm sure it is riddled with grammatical and spelling mistakes, but I wanted to get it down; documented. I will continue to document the first week of Jude's life in one or two other posts, but I wanted to get this down. Now I'm going to change Jude's diaper and feed him. More to come!
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