How to deal

I am Jude's main caretaker right now. I am almost always the only one who gets up with him during the night, I spend almost all day with him, and I like to think that I know him best. Unfortunately, a newborn comes with a lot of stress. At first, the stress didn't hit me. When it did, I had no idea how to deal with such a heavy load. I had no coping skills for this type of stress, and there was no way to get away for more than a couple hours. So, through mistakes and errors and trying again and again and again, I have learned. This is how I deal.

First and foremost, I love him. I love him and I play with him and I laugh with him. I have fun with him. I enjoy my son, and this takes so much pressure off.

Secondly, I ask for help. Frequently. I am lucky enough to live with a seasoned mom who loves my son. She has this way of knowing when I need a break, and when I just need to work through the stress. She also taught me how to play with a newborn, and helped me find different comfort techniques that work for Jude. I'm sure I would have learned on my own, but her help has been invaluable.

I escape in my mind, or more accurately, in a book. I've always loved to read, but now that my own situation can be very frustrating. For instance, I woke up with Jude 8 times last night, most of them just because he didn't feel good and he wanted to be held. I know that he couldn't help any of this, but I was on my last nerve. To keep me sane, I sat down and opened a book while I rocked him to sleep. I did this a few times, and once even while I was feeding him. I get so into the book that sometimes I even want to stay awake longer reading. (Don't. Go to sleep.) It helps.

Music! When I discovered how much music can make a difference (see post below), I started putting music on all the time. It entertains him, and it boosts my spirits when they're low. Most of the time it ends up with either him going to sleep, or me singing and dancing with him in my arms. Either way, a win.

With the help that I am given, I take breaks. I get away from the baby for a few minutes to a couple hours when I need to. I normally use this time to sleep, shower, or run an errand, but no matter what I'm doing, I'm away and the constant vigilance that I keep stops for a bit, and part of my brain relaxes that I didn't even know was tense.

I recommend all of these to new moms and new moms to be.